I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
