"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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