so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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