nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You took a bar mat shot.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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