Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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