he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
false alarm, still single
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