we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
