That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
