Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
