I must be too annoying 4 u.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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