I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
