it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
