At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
