Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
