I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
