yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Randomize
