and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
