My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize