so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
