I am full of burrito and curiosity
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
