I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
