never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
