Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize