i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I hope mine doesn't look like that
This house was built for laser tag.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
