and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
