So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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