i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
