it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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