Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize