you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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