you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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