my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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