I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize