So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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