One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
