If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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