Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
