Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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