I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
