Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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