did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
