Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
