I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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