Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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