you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
