You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
