oh god the rape fog is back!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
