All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
