1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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