I just made out with a guy for $7.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
