I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
