Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
