Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
