Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize