It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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