Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
