I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
