I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
