i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
