haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
