I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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