god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if only i could text you this smell
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
