i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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