I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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