we're blogging at a bar
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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