i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
