Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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