So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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