He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
