I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
