Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
